Elizabeth's Letter

It's been a while since my last post. A recent death in our family put the blog on hold for a while. In a SpringsLetters first, my wife Elizabeth requested that I post the following today from her:

I’ve often thought it fairly cliché when people say, “Words just can’t express my gratitude.” As someone who loves to talk a lot, I’ve thought surely someone could come up with a better way to say thank you.
Well, I was wrong.
As so many of you know, my father passed away on May 9th. While his health has been precarious over the last year or so, my family was rather blind-sided by his death. Maybe we were conditioned to his frequent trips to the hospital, maybe the doctors just didn’t emphasize how serious his condition was, maybe we were just not willing to face the reality. I don’t know. All I know is, I got a call at 1:30pm on Friday telling me that they didn’t think he was going to make it, and within the hour, he died. I wasn’t even able to make it to his bedside to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved and appreciated him. Big regret.
I also was unwilling, while he was alive, to broach the subject of his spiritual welfare, because I was afraid he would be mad at me, or there would be tension. Big regret #2.
Those regrets have weighed very heavy on me this week. (I told some friends that I felt like Sandy, the squirrel from Texas on the cartoon, Sponge Bob. Because she is a land dweller, she must wear protective headgear to help her breathe underwater. But, when she cries too much, her bubblehead fills up with water and she must attach a handle to flush the water out. I just haven’t been able to find my handle….)
Slowly, though, I have become more and more aware of God being “the One who lifts my head.” He’s gotten me out of bed when I would have rather stayed in, pulled the covers up and slept all day long. I have relied on His new mercies every single morning, more than usual.
He’s slowly clearing the fog that I’ve seemingly been walking in for over a week and reminded me that while the loss of a loved one is terribly painful and sad, it should be fully experienced, not shoved down and ignored.
(I’m beginning to wonder if this is one of the ways the Lord teaches us to have joy in Him…. I think I’m starting to understand that joy in the Lord may not manifest itself through dancing and laughing, but maybe it’s through tears and questions and trials and searching. Maybe the joy part is just the knowledge that there’s a God in heaven who hears my crying, my questions, my pleadings. And, in this case, it’s the knowledge that God already knows what it’s like to have Someone He loves die.)
My family and I have been blessed throughout it all, though; friends who have called to check on me (us); all the many prayers and hugs; the tears shed along with me; text-messages sent at all times of the day; emails expressing sadness for me and my family; the care-taking of our dogs; meals brought over, so I didn’t have to worry about cooking; even plants and flowers sent to remind me that living goes on, and it’s beautiful.
So, here I am…at a loss for words as to how best to express my gratitude. I wish I could come up with something new and fresh, something that conveys how amazed I’ve been by friends, old and new…a way to tell them they have been Jesus to me and my family.
I pray that “thank you” will suffice. E.