Tacos and Trash Talk

There are markers in every relationship, big things or small things that mark the beginning of a new era. For me, the most important ones have usually marked the movement from formality to informality. It's sometimes very subtle, but when people start to relax and let their guards down, everything changes. Small changes in behavior or conversation usually tip this off, and I think my radar is always scanning for them subconciously. Our table group Sunday night included a couple of these.

For the first time that I can remember, we made fun of each other. This is a big deal, and doesn't work unless people trust each other. Unless you're relationally obtuse, you won't make fun of someone unless you're confident that they know you truly value them underneath the insult. On the receiving end, it's only possible to laugh at yourself (and be laughed at) if you're confident of your standing in the group. It was open season Sunday night. We all had fun at our own expense, and it was a win for the group.

I usually have a question or topic for discussion that I throw out at the table, for the kids as well as the adults, as I did on Sunday. However, as the evening went on, the conversation took a different turn. People in our group needed to talk about other things going on in their lives, and they viewed the table as the place to get advice and insight. So the conversation turned. The formality of a "discussion question" was usurped by the informality of real life; a meeting became friends looking for help from friends. Whether our news is good or bad, whether we need someone to celebrate with us or we need answers, I think all of us would look toward Sunday evenings as the place for that. And if it was urgent, we wouldn't wait until Sunday evening.

We laughed about our dinner. We had tacos, and I think most of the ingredients were leftovers from our families' refrigerators. But we "ate together in our home with glad and sincere hearts, and enjoyed the favor of all the people." I'm sure we'll have some fine china and crystal nights that will be very meaningful, but the leftovers-paper plate-verbal abuse-good counsel from friends nights are pretty hard to beat.